Cloud Gets Drunk
by finalfantasygirl16
Summary: Summary: I'm a goofy-goober, are you? Tee-Hee! Big surprise at end. Zack, Jess, Biggs, Wedge mentioned. No pairings. One-Shot. R&R always loved.


Summary: I'm a goofy-goober, are you? Tee-Hee!!

Cloud Gets Drunk

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It was a long night shift, driving from Midgar to Edge every hour or so. Cloud was exhausted. Getting only a call to a unknown location from he his best friend he agreed to go. Not knowing what was soon to happen. He drove into the almost empty parking lot of the who knows place.

Parking close to another Fenrir he sighed, and turned off the engine.

Getting off his beloved Fenrir he looked himself once over on the reflection of one of the nearby cars, dusting off his pants and making sure he didn't have anything in his already messy spiky hair he made his way into the entrance.

Upon entering the unknown location, Cloud suddenly felt cold, lonely, and smelled rotten potatoes. He wrinkled his nose at the strange smell of rotten vegetables and something like rum and alcohol.

It was dark inside, only shadows of chairs and tables looming around. He sighed and turned on the light. It was empty inside, strange since he saw a couple of Fenrir's and cars outside.

"Uhh... hello?" He called walking further into the lightened bar. He rolled his eyes, of course they would tell him to go to a bar.

He didn't hear a word, not a single peep, until he came across a couple of men out cold drooling on the tables in the far back of the place. He shrugged and walked quietly passed them as to not intrude in their slumber.

He saw a faint light come from the curtained up stage. A small light beam of red, blue, and green like those of a color fog projectors. He raised an eyebrow as he gently pulled the curtain. He couldn't see much other than a karaoke machine on stand-by with some yellow sponge smiling, was that normal? and mics that were screeching on the wooden floor beneath.

He picked up a mic and tapped it. It growled a little so he lowered the volume on the side control of it. "Hello?" He called using the mic but still no reply other than loud snores and a couple of random angry mumbling.

He set the mic down and walked off the four inched high stage. He scratched his head and wondered why the hell he was called here for when clearly there was no one here other than two men passed out on the tables and himself. He also questioned as to why a empty bar would be opened if there wasn't anyone here, shouldn't it be closed? or at least locked?

He sat down in a table near the stage. He sat there with his arms crossed wondering and waiting. He tapped the worn out wood of the table and hummed to himself until he felt something fluffy and soft slide up his arm. He furrowed his brow and looked from his peripheral vision at the thing climbing it's way up his ivory muscular arm.

He crossed his arms on the table and laid his head. He was tired and bored of waiting for who ever sent him here. Cloud had a lot of friends who found bars relaxing while he did not.

He started dosing off...

The thing continued to bother him, with blurry eyes he plopped his head up with support of his hands, elbows on the dirty cold worn cherry wood table.

It was pink, 'What the hell?' He thought, and then muffled laughs hidden somewhere in this strange empty bar. A feminine giggle like of a Geisha flowed by his ear, "Give me some sugar, sugar" The voice said.

Now Cloud was really worried. He turned around to see the most hideous woman he has ever laid his eyes on.

Cerulean eyes going so wide as saucers. He slightly gasped at the woman in front of him. A white powered face like of a powered sugared doughnut stared back at him. The woman had long sliver fair hair. Lips puckered, ever so rosy and dry. She titled her head and fanned herself with a fan that had Japanese writing saying. 'Yaoi' on it.

The woman giggled and pulled that fluffy pink thing around Cloud's neck. Her feathered scarf tangling him in webs and choking him. The woman once again giggled and put her leg on the chair where Cloud once sat in. She held the scarf to make sure he wouldn't escape her in one hand and the other hand going down the hem of her royal crimson gold dress and raising it up a little revealing a partially hairy leg.

Cloud closed his azure eyes and held in whatever contents he had in his stomach praying that he could stand being somewhat of a gentleman for a little while longer.

"W-who are you?" Cloud weakly asked the woman as she continued to giggled. Cloud wondered why she only giggled and never spoke. She yanked the scarf a little making Cloud jump an inch and come closer to her dry rosy cracked lips. She had a mustache growing and an aftershave chin.

She puckered her lips like a fish who needed air and leaned in to kiss him, That's when Cloud couldn't take it and pushed her away. He tripped on the leg of the chair and fell back. The woman fanned her Yaoi fan to her face, "Don't you want me?" She said, octave so deep, he swore it was a man.

Cloud panicked and quickly backed up to the wall of the stage, "Stay away from me!!" He yelled at the woman, freaked out and praying for his dear life that this woman would not harm in any sort of ways.

The woman dropped her fan to the floor and kneeled down, she slid a finger across the wooden floor boards of the bar and brought her now dirty finger to her face, she pinched away the dirt and shrugged. She plopped herself to the floor. Cloud's heart quickened in pace, he wasn't that far from the creepy Geisha looking man-woman.

He knew he had to run away but the thing was that he couldn't. He felt his muscles turn into jelly right there and then. The woman yawned and said, "I'm bored, let's play!" and started rapidly crawling her way to him. Cloud gulped and once her dirty hand touched his knee, he screamed so loudly even Red could hear it as far as Cosmo Canyons.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

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He sat down in a table near the stage. He sat there with his arms crossed wondering and waiting. He tapped the worn out wood of the table and hummed to himself until he felt something fluffy and soft slide up his arm. He furrowed his brow and looked from his peripheral vision at the thing climbing it's way up his ivory muscular arm.

A soft blue feathered touched his arm softly making it itch. Cloud slapped away the small feather, when he heard a musical humorous laugh. He turned around to see that very same hideous woman stare at him. "Hi!" She greeted in a deep manly voice.

Cloud backed into the table near him, "What?" The woman asked. Cloud widen his eyes and was about to yell when suddenly the woman grabbed a bucket of cold freezing ice water and splashed him.

Cloud now soaked to the bone, gasped for air and blinked. His vision blurry, he continued blinking until fully awake. There instead of a butt-ugly Geisha who looked like she got ran over, Stared back the crystal blue puppy dog eyes of Zack Fair.

Cloud's best friend and the nominated winner of Gongaga's Town Idiot Of The Year.

"You okay man?" He asked Cloud shaking him from the shoulders.

Cloud titled his head, staring at Zack and behind Zack, behind was Jess, Biggs, and Wedge laughing and fighting over jello shots.

He frowned and grabbed his head when a searing pain passed right through his skull and body. "W-what the hell just happened?" He questioned, grabbing hold of the table behind him begging his legs not to let him down and make him fall to the floor like pudding or a string puppet.

Zack nervously laughed, "Yeah you see about that... you walked in and fell asleep" he explained but then stopped.

"Then what?" Cloud asked curiously interested, Zack scratched his head looking for an answer, "We found you here asleep, there was a whole freakin' bottle of Midgar's finest wine in your hands!" Zack explained, hand showing how big the bottle was with a little hint of exaggeration.

Cloud raised a brow, completely confused now. "Wait, but I just walked in a few minutes ago! I couldn't possibly have drank so much! You know Tifa would kill me! and who was that woman?!"

Zack chuckled and grabbed the now empty bottle of wine and read the Caution label, "Warning: May Cause Ha-ha-hallucinations"

"But I'm not hallucinating man! OW!" He yelped grabbing his head and locking it, elbows on table supporting him. Veins popping and beating so fast he felt the world twirling.

Zack sat in the empty chair next to him, "What woman, Cloudy? Seeing someone?" Zack asked chuckling, "Yeah a doctor after this" He muttered.

"Ya know man, don't drink and drive!" Zack snickered. Cloud closed his eyes rolling them, "And don't drink your troubles away Emo Cloudy!" He continued.

Okay so ever since the horrible Geostigma episode and the whole 'Imma pwn Sephy' episode, Zack has been taunting Cloud saying he never likes to share with others telling them how he truly feels inside which Cloud thought was an utterly ridiculous stupid idea.

Cloud then thought, 'Screw it' and ignored Zack's rants and stared at the window. The outside was dark and thunder could be heard. It rumbled the place, shots of white lighting flashing inside the bar every now and then in the dim area the gang sat in.

But Cloud noticed something in the distance, a dark figure standing outside the window. He squinted his eyes trying to see what and who it was. Zack continued to ramble on until Cloud stood up and walked slowly to the window.

"Cloud?" Zack called but Cloud ignored him. Rubbing away the fog of the cold window with his black leather gloved hand, Cloud squinted again when that very same hideous chewbacca looking ghetto Geisha popped out of nowhere. Cloud gasped as the woman giggled deeply and whisperedly asked, "Are you a goofy-goober? Tee-hee!!"

Cloud's mouth formed a great big 'O'

"SPEHIROTH?!"

What. The. Hell.

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Fin! So this was a random idea and changed drastically as I was writing. I totally like it... err not sure If I'm lovin' it yet but yeah anyhoo... watch MAD TV's Memoirs Of A Geisha.

You'll laugh. So me and Yoshi like to mess with Sephy way too much and usally it's Zack who gets tortured by him so I'm like, "Hey, why not Cloud for a change?" so yeah.

Goofy-Goober song part from The Sponge-Bob Squarepants Movie. Idea - Moi, yours truly. And Yoshi (Shadow Kiti) here on . Check her YugixYami story! It's awesome! :D

ARIGATO YOSHI!!


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